For few days now, I have been resisting peer pressure to watch action masalas like Transformers and Die Hard. A Bruce Willis movie? I ask you! But why do you need them when a zabardust action flick comes on live television? A macho super star defending the whole humanity, a befitting villain who has his own 'mere pappa' flash back, a dizzying array of hot chicks (all covered in glory) and a sardar next door to complete the comedy track. What more could you ask?
The Lal Masjid massacre puts to rest all speculation about the future of Pervez Musharraf. He is here to stay and kick, as I told you before. Come on, you have to give it to him for his stunning counter attack when he was supposedly on the brink. Its now only a matter of time before Benazir Bhutto becomes Prime Minister, Musharraf renews his 'gaddi' & 'chaddi' and the 'Land of the Pure' talks once again of 'entertained moderation' (or whatever they are calling it these days).
For all you know, this could be the moment the world has been waiting for. The biggest PR stunt since the cold war just got vindicated. Go on guys, get your bottoms out of the NYT editorial desk and wash the red mosque of its new bloody coating. Isn't this the utopia you have always wanted? Musharraf, the champion crusader against 'Islamic fascism'.
As any drunk poet will tell you, there is nothing more dangerous than the eye blades of a girl. Even more so when those eyes are looking down on you from a splendid black veil whose other openings wield Kalashnikovs! Have you read Orhan Pamuk's Snow? How I would not kill for a fleeting look from Kadife - the leader of the 'Head Scarf' girls? Better luck next time sweeties!
And finally the Comedy track. Our sardar Manmohan Singh will get all too emotional only for his 'kin' who were killed a quarter century ago or if your doctor sons plan to blow up a foreign airport. Goddamn all you fools in Mumbai. Are you kidding me that you expected justice for 7/11 from this government? And yeah, here's the humor punchline. Not one of our 150 million Muslims has joined the Al-Qaeda.