Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Kill Sly or Die Hard!

For few days now, I have been resisting peer pressure to watch action masalas like Transformers and Die Hard. A Bruce Willis movie? I ask you! But why do you need them when a zabardust action flick comes on live television? A macho super star defending the whole humanity, a befitting villain who has his own 'mere pappa' flash back, a dizzying array of hot chicks (all covered in glory) and a sardar next door to complete the comedy track. What more could you ask?

The Lal Masjid massacre puts to rest all speculation about the future of Pervez Musharraf. He is here to stay and kick, as I told you before. Come on, you have to give it to him for his stunning counter attack when he was supposedly on the brink. Its now only a matter of time before Benazir Bhutto becomes Prime Minister, Musharraf renews his 'gaddi' & 'chaddi' and the 'Land of the Pure' talks once again of 'entertained moderation' (or whatever they are calling it these days).

For all you know, this could be the moment the world has been waiting for. The biggest PR stunt since the cold war just got vindicated. Go on guys, get your bottoms out of the NYT editorial desk and wash the red mosque of its new bloody coating. Isn't this the utopia you have always wanted? Musharraf, the champion crusader against 'Islamic fascism'.

As any drunk poet will tell you, there is nothing more dangerous than the eye blades of a girl. Even more so when those eyes are looking down on you from a splendid black veil whose other openings wield Kalashnikovs! Have you read Orhan Pamuk's Snow? How I would not kill for a fleeting look from Kadife - the leader of the 'Head Scarf' girls? Better luck next time sweeties!

And finally the Comedy track. Our sardar Manmohan Singh will get all too emotional only for his 'kin' who were killed a quarter century ago or if your doctor sons plan to blow up a foreign airport. Goddamn all you fools in Mumbai. Are you kidding me that you expected justice for 7/11 from this government? And yeah, here's the humor punchline. Not one of our 150 million Muslims has joined the Al-Qaeda.


Arun said...

i think transformers will be good inspite of masala. i havent seen but watever reviews i get from ppl seems like it.
masala movies are good too. only thing its very hard to make a good masala movie. for eg- thillu mullu.
anyway i didnt quite understand ur post fully. hard for poor me to read.

Balaji said...

>> anyway i didnt quite understand ur post fully

quoting Matt Damon, you have mistaken me for a serious thinker! you have already given more thought to the post than I myself did!

well, this post was a frustrating contrast between macho Musharraf and the joker we call as prime minister.

ps: a friend told me that Transformers was easily among the worst films he has ever seen. period!

Puru said...

Have to agree with your friend. Have no idea of what u are talking about. I have a feeling it might a lot of loose ends u are throwing that might come together some day.

Balaji said...

Puru, take some time off from statcounter voyeurism and read some news :)

Balaji said...

just ran out of the theater midway while watching Transformers. WTF? I'm never watching a Hollywood movie again. What CRAP?!!!

Jaikumar Ganesh said...

Transformers is a masala movie .. yeah .. but not if you have played with the toys when u were a kid (which of course I didn't get a chance too).

My team at office full of robot experts went as a group and they were able to cherish and njoy it since they related to it much more than I did.

Balaji said...

i hope the game didn't have all the bullcrap american jingoism. but yes 'Transformers' and Megan Fox were hot. Its only the humans and their nonsensical dialogues that almost killed me.

indicaspecies said...

You've got an interesting blog!

Anonymous said...

I'm never watching a Hollywood movie again. What CRAP?!!!

You Southies cannot change your taste of Prabhudeva and RajniKant bullshit, no matter where you are. That bullshit haunts you without you even knowing it.

Balaji said...

oh, I see you obviously can't read my Tamil blogs where I bitch about Tamil movies. my latest post there talks about how I ended up seeing two worst movies of my life yet in the same week. (Sivaji and Transformers!)

anyway Hollywood, Bollywood and Kollywood produce the same kinda non-sense. they are all avoidable.

your southies comment is funny. conventional wisdom wud suggest that more southies know english and hence watch Hollywood more. but then, who cares?

Anonymous said...

Conventional wisdom... It is a clear case of Supriority complex that most of the Southies have.

Well, what southies learn about english in their lifetime (and still speak yL, yM, yN english), a Guju or a Punjabi who has no sense of english (being from a village, and most probabaly never gone to school) do a better job in communicating in English that they learn hands on in US. It takes them only a couple of years to come to the level of a Madrasi's english, or may be even better than that.